I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
