i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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