my mouth tastes like poor choices
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
