im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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