Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
