Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
