Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
