dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
