You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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