im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
