Porn is love you can see.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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