DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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