I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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