i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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