someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
