I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
