Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
