Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
