This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
