Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
