the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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