My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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