just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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