so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
