There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
