I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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