I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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