I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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