Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
