No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
