I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
