Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
last night I used snow as a chaser
So apparently I’m into choking now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
