You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
