Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
