oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.