All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet