need another drink. this is the easiest way
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.