Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?

(1-512): View more from Texas

pretty standard. you have fun last night?

(512): View more from Texas

apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?

(1-512): View more from Texas

typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.

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(512): just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long? (1-512): pretty standard. you have fun last night? (512): apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean? (1-512): typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat. http://tfl.nu/ntbz

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(563): View more from Iowa

I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death

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(563): I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death http://tfl.nu/f03y

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(760): View more from California

I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

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(760): I wish they had nachos that got you drunk http://tfl.nu/1jvf

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(802): View more from Vermont

elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

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(802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze. http://tfl.nu/rr46

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(863): View more from Florida

During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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(863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk

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(714): View more from California

why do cheetos always look like penises

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(714): why do cheetos always look like penises http://tfl.nu/nqxj

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(651): View more from Minnesota

how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.

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(651): how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night. http://tfl.nu/2trw

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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(715): All I want for christmas is my sobriety back. http://tfl.nu/wb57

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(320): View more from Minnesota

For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

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(320): For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates. http://tfl.nu/jze3

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(903): View more from Texas

The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

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(903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x

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(407): View more from Florida

Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.

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(407): Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go. http://tfl.nu/d64s

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(360): View more from Washington

All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.

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(360): All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together. http://tfl.nu/fujj

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

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(608): Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard. http://tfl.nu/diwn

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(303): View more from Colorado

One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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(303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.

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(612): Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier. http://tfl.nu/uqbe

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