I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
