I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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