thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
