i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
