Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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