O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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