i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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