I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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