omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
