you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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