3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Buhtt sex?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
