i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
