This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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