Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
