i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
