Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
