I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
