i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
