Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
