Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
