Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
