if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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