Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
