Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
