Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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