Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
