either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
