She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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