vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Found the puke drawer
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
