he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
