Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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