After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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