dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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