Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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