He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
