She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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